Processing

I'm in the middle of reading Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson. So far I'm enjoying it. I don't agree with everything he says but he does make a lot of good points...really, I think they are applicable to raising boys and girls but Dobson is speaking to parents of boys. So, this post is really just my way of processing what I'm reading...I'm not sure that all my thoughts are together so I may not make a lot of sense.

So, I do feel like raising a little man is a big responsibility. I do believe that there are differences between boys and girls and I think we will have different expectations for Patrick and Helen as they grow up. Some of those differences will be based on their different abilities and talents but I do think there will be some differences because of their gender differences. I'm not sure how it will all play out but I do intend to raise Helen to be a woman and Patrick to be a man. Obviously.

Still, Helen will get auto mechanic and home repair lessons and Patrick will learn to cook. I don't think those things are gender specific. Some of the things Dobson has said seem to imply that little boys shouldn't play with dolls or tea sets...that is something I don't agree with at all. I want to raise a man who will cuddle and love his future children...pretend play with dolls is good practice for that. I also want to raise a daughter who is self sufficient...I do want her to depend on her husband someday but not because she can't take care of herself, because she WANTS to depend on him.

In part of the book Dobson talks about how fathers should play with their sons in ways that they wouldn't play with their daughters. I'm a little uncertain about that. Chris rough houses with Helen, why shouldn't he? Someday he'll rough house with Patrick too. I expect Helen and Patrick to wrestle around together as well. I do think boys and girls are different but I also think that a lot of the needs of little girls and little boys are the same.

I'm also having a hard time with Dobson's chapter on homosexuality. I don't think that a 2 year old who tries mama's make up or puts on dresses is headed toward homosexuality. I don't think that a little girl who says she wants to be a boy is going to become a lesbian. I personally think these kinds of things are part of figuring out what makes girls and boys different. Dobson seems a bit hysterical about it in some ways.

Anyway, I'm about halfway through the book and it is really making me think about how raising my son will be different from raising my daughter. I know my husband's sister really felt like their parents were unfair in the differences in how they treated brother and sister. That's not what I want for my kids. I only have sisters so in some ways I feel like I'm going to have to learn all this little boy stuff from scratch. I guess that's what parenting is all about.

I imagine I'll be back to this topic at another time. I'm still processing a lot of what Dobson says in this book.