Weight Loss journey update

So, I'm a couple of weeks in to this weight loss journey now. I think I've lost some weight but I'm not sure yet. I'm planning to weigh myself on Friday and I'll know then. I feel pretty good though. I'm really enjoying the exercise. Before I could always convince myself that I didn't have time to work out. Now I'm just making it happen.

I do a cardio interval workout on my treadmill three times a week and a pilates strength training workout twice a week. Making time for the treadmill isn't too difficult. Patrick usually has a morning nap and Helen is happy to sit on the futon and read books while I use the treadmill. We end up having a lot of pretty funny conversations as a result. She's learning a lot about sweat and exercise. Plus she stretches with me afterward. It's probably good for her too.

The pilates workout is a bit more difficult to find time for. I have to do it when Helen is napping because she's too all over me if I do it when she's awake. Helen and Patrick don't always end up with overlapping naps. Sometimes I do at least part of the workout with Patrick on the floor watching. It means I end up doing it in spurts a little but that's okay.

I've also been keeping a food journal and counting calories as much as I can. I guess I must have been eating a ton of calories before so it's nice to have a clearer picture of that. My breakfast and lunch choices aren't too bad but I feel like I need to modify some of our dinner choices. We eat a lot of red meat, cheesy casseroles and other high calorie things. I'm trying to work in at least one meatless night a week and have easy modifications on other nights. My husband has been losing weight a lot lately and doesn't need to restrict his calories. Neither does my daughter. So, some nights I just make something one way for them and a slightly different way for me. Plus I'm serving more vegetables with each meal...if I eat a big salad first then I'll eat less of the higher calorie option.

It's good. The exercise is great. The food choices are better (but I still have a sweet tooth and need to learn to control it more and, possibly, find some better options to satisfy it). It's a process but I'm learning.

On the past and guilt

I just finished a fantastic book called Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay. It is a work of historical fiction. It tells the story of the Vel' de Hiv', a round up of French Jews that happened in 1942. Nearly 10,000 Parisian Jews were taken from their homes by French policemen and gendarmes. Nearly half of those taken were children under the age of 13. The Jews were nearly all sent on to Auschwitz...very, very few of them survived. Like I said, they were taken by French policemen, it was an act of the French government cooperating with the Nazis. I guess that's what makes it so shocking...I understand that France was occupied. I know it was a time of war and shocking things happen during those times. But France is supposed to be one of the "good guys". Oh, but I guess there are no good guys.

Anyway, one of the themes of the book was survivor's guilt. Half of the book was set in the present day and the main character of that portion was busy uncovering her family's roll in the roundup. The woman felt a need to find someone to apologize to for her family's behavior. All this over things she didn't do.

This is an idea theme I'm really interested in. How responsible are we for the actions of our ancestors? I really enjoyed the perspective presented by this book...highly recommended!

I know I said I didn't want to compare.....

Patrick had his 4 month check up earlier this week. He's doing great and growing like there's no tomorrow. So, at 4 months he is 16lbs 14 oz and 27 inches long (yes, that is huge...at least the 90th percentile in both areas). I came home after the appointment and looked up Helen's information. Here's the interesting thing (as in, mouth wide open in shock): at her ONE YEAR appointment Helen was 17lbs 1 oz and 27.5 inches. Yes, Patrick at 4 months is nearly the size Helen was when she was a year old. No wonder I keep expecting him to get up and walk.

I want to redecorate.

I'm wasting time right now. I really should be vacuuming or on the treadmill. Both the kids are asleep (for now). Earlier today I was feeling like I don't get enough time alone...I guess blogging is one way for me to do something by myself, something that I enjoy.

Anyway, I'm sitting here in the office wasting time and thinking about how much I want to paint in here. And in the kitchen. I think the kitchen is going to get a paint job pretty soon. We recently had new flooring installed and it looks so nice...the walls don't. And my whole family is coming here for Thanksgiving. It would be nice to redecorate before that.

The picture is of a canister that I store flour in. It's a color scheme that I really love and I think it will provide the theme for my redecorating. I can hardly wait.

On goals and changes

I want to lose 50 pounds. There. I said it out loud. I'm not sure why that was so hard to do.

While we were on vacation, Helen and I had a lot of fun together at a water park. Really, a lot of fun. There were only two downsides. One was an incident where Helen disobeyed me and scared me pretty good (disobedience is particularly scary when death causing things like water are around). The other was that I felt uncomfortable in my swimwear. Part of that was the suit (it was actually my sister's) and I'll be in the market for a new suit for next summer. But a big part of that was the body in the suit. I don't want this body any more. I don't want to be skinny, I just want to be more fit. Plus, in my case, my extra weight is due, in large part, to my lack of self control.

So, I'm saying it out loud. I want to lose 50 pounds. I don't plan to do it quickly...I'm also nursing a baby right now and I don't want to cut calories in a way that would negatively impact my milk supply. I'd like to lose those 50 by June....just in time for swimsuit season.


Day 1, August 11, 2009: I've started a food journal. Knowing that I'm going to have to write down whatever I put in my mouth has kept me from eating a few things. I'm also trying to make better choices. Helen had macaroni and cheese for lunch...she needs those calories, I don't. I had a turkey sandwich...lower calorie and tasted better too. I'm starting this in the middle of a grocery shopping cycle so I'm really looking forward to shopping next week and buying some veggie snacks and such. I think mid afternoon and nights will be hardest for me. Mid afternoon because I tend to get snack-y then and nights because my hubby has a sweet tooth and likes to eat something yummy after dinner. He can handle the calories, I can't.

On comparing

Helen, Patrick and I just got back from a lovely week of vacation. We spent it with my parents. One of my sisters took a week off as well and my nieces (my other sister's children) were there as well. It was a fantastic family vacation and a nice way to spend some of the remaining wheat harvest time (around here, wheat harvest means daddy isn't around much...being away makes missing him easier).

During one conversation my sister and I were reminiscing about high school. She was a freshman when I was a senior so we had most of the same teachers and very similar experiences. I was talking about a teacher that I really, really liked. She said that she really, really did not like him because he was always saying, "why can't you be more like your sister" or "why don't you do (whatever) like your sister did."

Oh. That's probably not a great way to do high school. I never really thought about how the trail I blazed might change things for my sisters. Some things about being the oldest child are great and, apparently, getting to be the first kid through the school system was one of them.

Then I started thinking about how this translates to my parenting experience. I guess I compare Patrick with Helen a lot. Not that I mean anything bad about it...actually, I'm just observing things that seem different about the two of them, neither bad nor good. Still, Patrick doesn't need to grow up hearing that he's so much bigger than Helen or that he's stronger than Helen was at that age or that Helen did (whatever) so much earlier than he did (or vice versa). They are two different people, lovely and individual. I need to remember that and not constantly compare the ways that they are different or the same.